_Yesterday there was a shooting in my city. A classmate of mine was shot, and died while in surgery. Her cousin is currently in critical condition. She was a very close friend to many in our school, and very much loved by her entire family. Half of my class was in tears for most of the day yesterday. Then last night at youth, the sermon coincidently was “Why would a good God, let bad things happen?” A question that needs reflection. These past couple years I have wondered this thing, and searched the bible, and the wisdom of God fearing people for answers. I understand that God does not make evil things, for He is good and perfect. But that he uses the evil of this world to bring glory to him ultimately. I understand that, and I could go into depth on that subject, but it’s not the purpose of this post. But I began to think of what I would to say to the 18 year old boy that was shot, and lost his cousin if he makes it out of the hospital. What would I say to the kids at my school who were best friends with her. What would I say to her family members if I had the chance. “Don’t worry, God will use this to bring glory to himself. Don’t be angry with him because he didn’t cause it, but he will use it for good.” I’ve seen the pain of losing a loved one many times, and I know that no one cares what good can come from a death, all they want is their child, cousin, or best friend back. So what do I say?
_As I thought about this, Matthew 14 came to mind. John the Baptist is killed at King Herod’s command at the request of his wife’s daughter’s request. Because Herod’s wife used to be his brother’s, Phillip’s, wife, Herodias, and Herod stole her. So John called him out saying that it was not okay for him to have his brother’s wife. So Herodias had her daughter dance for Herod, and because of it he promised anything one thing she requested. At the prompting of her mother, she asks for the head of John the Baptist. This came to mind because John the Baptist was Jesus’s cousin. Jesus knows what it’s like to lose a loved one. God himself has experienced the pain of the evils of this world. God did not cause John’s death, or else he would be some kind of sadomasochist. But he also did not stop it although he had the power to. Jesus brought many back from the grave, such as Lazarus. So why would Jesus bring back a man he didn’t eve know, but wouldn’t bring back John who he loved? The only answer I can give is this Jesus had submitted himself to God’s will so much that he selflessly worked for his father’s good, and that good alone. He knew and understood something we didn’t, that God knows best, and is working for our Good. When we work for the glory of God, he is working for our good. So Jesus humbled himself to experience the pain that we go through. Not only does God allow human evil, but He has experienced the effects it unselfishly. If there wasn’t a reason, God himself wouldn’t of experienced it.
_So what would I say to the family and friends who just lost someone dear? I would say I’m sorry, I don’t know why this happened. What I do know is that in hard times I have found Jesus. He knows what you are going through because he’s been through it, and is moved deeply with compassion for you. Run to him and ask for comfort, he’ll give you everything you need. He’s working for your good.
_Isn’t it mind boggling to think that our standard of holiness is God himself. This commandment first shows up in Leviticus 11:44, and what boggles my mind even more is that this commandment was given before Christ came to earth, and gave all his followers the Holy Spirit. In the chapter of Leviticus (along with most of Leviticus) it talks about the preparations of worship, and lists a bunch of things that can make you unclean, and therefore disqualified for worship. First thought of mine is, “Good thing we have the Holy Spirit, and the cleansing of Christ’s blood so that we can worship whenever,” which to some extent is true, but let’s look at our experiences. We all have weeks where we know we don’t exactly meet up to God’s standards of holiness by contaminating our minds and soul with “unclean” things. music we know isn’t good for us, movies we shouldn’t of seen, going too far with a significant other, or watching stuff on the internet we know we shouldn’t watch, etc. And we go to church on sunday, and we try to get into worship, but it’s like a cloudy barrier is between you and God. In the OT it’s because we have made ourselves unclean, and it would last until evening in most cases. And i feel like we’ve all experienced this at some point, and it takes time alone with God to repent and to be made clean again. But then there are weeks where we have been fired up for sunday worship with the congregation since wednesday, right? Where you’ve been reading you bible everyday, having revelation after revelation of his love, just got ahold of a new worship album and have had it on repeat in your car. And when you get there sunday morning and you start singing with everyone it’s like drinking the most pure refreshing water ever on a hot sunny day. Now of course I realize that we have all fallen short of the glory of God, and we are constantly in sin and need God’s grace everyday because we fail everyday, but look at your life and tell me you haven’t experience both those kinds of weeks. It can’t just be me.
_So here is where i start confusing myself with circular thinking. Later in Leviticus 21:8 it says, “I, the Lord, am Holy, and I make you Holy.” and “We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and our sins sweep us away like the wind.” (Isaiah 64:6). It’s very safe to say that nothing we do can make us righteous and Holy, only God can do that. But if this is true, why are our experiences so different. Why does experience say that when we are acting one way we have a better connection with God because we are clean, and when we are acting acting another way we are unclean and have disconnection with God, when scripture makes it clear that it doesn’t matter what we do, It’s about God’s goodness? Assuming that God is always has been and will be good, this doesn’t really add up right?
_This commandment is brought up again in 1 Peter 1:16, which is a letter to Christians temporarily staying in modern Turkey. He brings this up to remind them not to fall back into their former ways (we assume they were most likely former gentiles who used to practice pagan religions) by saying, “Do not be conformed to the desires of your former ignorance.” So Peter is telling some guys, who probably not too long ago practiced paganism, to not fall back into old habits while in a place full of paganism. So not only is being Holy important for your worship, but it is how we are a light to the world. Later in 2 Peter 2:21 Peter says, ”For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them.” No pressure, you’re spiting the greatest act of grace ever, the death of Jesus, if you fall back into old habits and don’t remain Holy. But if the best our days, and our righteousness is only but filthy rags (menstrual rags when translated literally), how can our conduct ever be considered Holy? (Again, this is where the whole circular thinking thing comes in, and because of it, it’s really hard for me to explain what’s actually going on in my head.)
_So here is my purposed conclusion. It was in the beginning of 1 Peter 1 all along. ”Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. According to His great mercy, He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.” That’s it. Praise God. Yes, our own conduct will never meet up to the standard of God, and we are unfit and unclean to even worship him, but be thankful that we have a God who makes us clean. So we can praise God because he makes us clean. So what about our experiences with connection and disconnection with God based on our actions, if God makes us clean shouldn’t it not matter. This is what i propose. Our actions have nothing to do with it. Our actions are simply physical reflections of our heart. When we turn our heart away from God, we do bad things, and don’t allow the blood of Christ to clean us. But when we keep our hearts fixated on God, our conduct changes. What does this mean? It means Worship isn’t singing on sunday morning, Worship is praising God every moment of every day, so that he can make you Holy. In Leviticus it says, “consecrate yourselves,” now Peter says “Praise God,” and let the Blood of Christ and his Holy Spirit consecrate you. Makes me think back to 2 Corinthians 3:7-8,
“Now if the ministry of death, chiseled in letters on stones, came with glory, so that the Israelites were not able to look directly at Moses’ face because of the glory from his face, a fading glory, how will the ministry of the Spirit not be more glorious?
In conclusion, praise God, the rest will follow.
_For some reason, I’m really stupid, and weak. This morning I would of said that because I doubted everything. I thought that I would never be able to make it in Ministry, and that I was basically a failure as a human being. Now I say it kind of with a chuckle, but still meaning it, because now I realize how stupid I was thinking about how terrible I am. Basically, it’s been a rough week, and it was one of those mornings where I just wanted to be vegetable and never get out of bed. Just a pathetic depressed childish mood. The night before I went to bed not feeling great, and I wasn’t exactly praising God through the pain, but I wasn’t angry with him (Big step for me), I a chapter in the book “It’s not about me” about God’s vast love, and I thanked him for being awesome when I’m not, and went to sleep. Somehow I woke in a slightly different mood. But as the day went on I got out of the funk. Played some drums, took a long walk in the sun, came back home and got some coffee with my youth pastor. Turned out to be an alright day.
_The reason I’m writing this post is because It’s a note to me. For in the future when I don’t feel like praising God for his magnificent glory and love. If your reading this right now future me, because you’re in a bit of a funk. Get on your knees right now and start praising God. He saved your freaking life, died on a Cross, has seen you through every phase of life, and is working for your good right now. It’ll be fine, you will be fine, I promise. It just sucks right now, but God is still good. Time to drop your pride and everything else and realize what is true. Yea, you aren’t perfect, he is, he’ll make things better, don’t worry, it’s not your job to fix everyone, or never make a mistake. I don’t care how much pain you are in right now, it’s only temporary. Go for a walk, play some drums, get indirectly encouraged from brian, get some coffee at walnut. And praise God for it all. You sing songs about how you’ll praise his name in every season, so prove it. Time to man up. Ministry isn’t for the weak, and you are going into Ministry. Sorry bud, don’t got much of an option at this point. Just tough it out, grow from whatever is going on, you’ll make it. Just keep on worshiping, always. You know the bible verses to go to. Read through the gospels, Ephesians, Corinthians, Timothy. Anything to remind you of God’s love, and your calling. God will see you through this. When life is a storm Jesus always pulls you out, when you need wisdom, you’ll get it. Trust in him, and he’ll make things good. Yea, you don’t deserve it, but you get it to bring glory to his name. So much love to be found in Christ, and I feel like telling you I love you, dearly. It’ll be ok. Glorly to God forever and ever, Amen.
_So I’m gonna away from my usual pattern of long comments on scripture or some revelation, cause I really want to remember this simple little thing. Tonight was SCC’s first official “friend night” with Brian Spatz (aka fresh prince of salt lake). And I managed to get one friend to come. A girl who I don’t know very well, a grade below me, have one class with her, and don’t talk much outside of that. After inviting her, I went on her Facebook (nothing creepy, we all do it) and saw that she had put “Atheist” as her religion. What I had told her though was that it was gonna be a game night (which I thought it was gonna be. Turned out not so much).
_Ended up being a pretty spiritual night with a lot of worship. Don’t know if she was expecting this or not. As we were worshipping, I couldn’t help but try to figure out what she must be thinking or feeling. I took a few glances over on occasion and, as expected, she wasn’t singing or raising her hands (shocker she wasn’t openly praising God after one night of youth group). But as we continued to worship I heard God as me, “How much do you trust me?” And at first i was like, “What?” But i realized that if God had intended for me to ask this girl to youth that night, which I believe he did, then shouldn’t I trust him with the rest? Wasn’t he, not I, who laid the ground, and has been working for her good for so long?
“Jesus also said, ‘The kingdom of God is like a farmer who scatters seeds on the ground. NIght and day, while he is asleep or awake, the seed sprouts and grow but he does not understand how it happens. The earth produces crops on its own. First a leaf blade pushes through, then the heads of wheat are formed, and finally the grain ripens.’” (Mark 4:26-28)
“It is not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What is important is that God makes the seed Grow.” (1 Corinthians 3:7)
_How much do you trust God? If you sow a seed, do expect that you also make it grow? Do you feel responsible for that seed to grow? Do you lose focus on the rest of the crop when one seed doesn’t work out? Now I’m not saying just start throwing the gospel out in one time occasions to people, and never follow up. What I’m saying is live like Christ, love like Christ, sow seeds. Follow up and water them if you are called to do so also. But sometimes you just gotta do what you’re supposed to, and trust that it’s in God’s hands. He might have someone else water that seed. But he will make it grow if he wants it to grow. Now I don’t want to get into a theological discussion about how if he want’s it to grow, why doesn’t everyone who hears the gospel get saved, or the different forms of soil that are our hearts. All I want is for me to trust God with everything, and live more like him, so that I might be a light to this world. But thank God it’s not about me, what I do, or what I say. It’s about him, and what he can do, and what he has already done.
_There are times in everyone’s life when it feels like were in the middle of a storm, while on a boat. The gusts of wind are nearly blowing you over, waves are crashing against you, rain blinding you to what is five feet in front of you, lightning and thunder are all around. Those times when you feel like it’s a struggle just to stand, when your scared, and panicing, and confused, and you don’t know what to do. When you feel like you have no control, and you are just being thrown around by the conditions around you, and you almost lose sight of your reason to fight. And that not only will no one help us, but no one can. Those problems that you can’t blog about.
_Well this literally happened to Jesus’s disciples In Matthew 14. When Jesus comes out of nowhere here comes Jesus, walking on water. They became terrified and say “It’s a ghost!” They see their rescuer, and don’t believe, in fact they fear it. For some reason when were in the storm, we are scared to go to Christ, we may even see him, and not believe it is him. But he calls back to them “Take Courage! I am here!” He doesn’t say “Do this, and I will save you from the storm.” He says “It’s going to be ok! I am here for you! Don’t worry, I got you!”
-Then Peter does the craziest thing I think. He says “Lord, if its really you, tell me to come to you, walking on water.” Think about this. Peter, one of the guys is in the storm, probably freaking out right now says “Lord, if it’s really you, please, ask me to get off this boat, and attempt to walk on water, in the middle of the ocean, while a storm is going on. Despite the fact that if it isn’t you, i will probably drown, just ask me, and I will.” Not only does that take some serious faith, but some serious balls. So Jesus tells him to come. So you know what, he did it. Peter began to walk on water. Could you imagine? You’d probably get so stoked that you’re walking on water, that you’d forget that there is a storm around you. All he had to do was keep his eyes on Jesus and believe that he’d be ok. But even Peter, the crazy guy who asked a man who wasn’t 100% sure on if it was Christ, to ask him to risk his life and walk on water, got scared.
_He saw the giant waves around him, and he took his eyes off of Jesus, and lost faith. He started sinking and he shouted “Save me Lord!” And Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. I love that image right there. Right as were about to drown, Jesus pulls us out. But you got to go out on a limb in faith for him. Afterwards Jesus says “You have such little faith.” Yea, Jesus called out Peter on his faith, again, that guy who risked his life. ”Why did you doubt me?” I feel like Peter didn’t feel stupid or condemed when Jesus said that, I feel he might of smiled and maybe even chuckled at him. You know that feeling after the adrenaline wears off, and your just laughing at yourself as your legs shake, and your heart is pumping? He probably felt something like that. ”When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. Then the disciples worshipped him “You really are the Son of God!” They exclaimed. And that has to be my favorite part. There worship is a response to the goodness and glory of Christ, and what he has, and can do.
_Life is crazy sometimes. It can hurt, it can be confusing, and it can feel like theres no hope. But Jesus says “It’s alright. I’m here. It’s going to be ok. We’re going to get through this.” So set your eyes on him and go out on a limb. Because even if you start sinking, just say his name and he’ll be there. So don’t be afraid to get out of the boat. Everything we do that is in faith of him, will end in joyful worship. Cause he makes all things good. When we don’t see any hope, he does the impossible. Just ask him, “Lord if this is really you, just ask me to come and I’ll go.” But mean it, because he will call you without hesitation. And you will begin to do things you never thought you could do. And as long as we keep our eyes and Jesus, and trust him, the storm doesn’t matter anymore.
_I’m reading through 1 Corinthians again, and actually trying look deeper, and apply what’s being said to my life, not just skimming like I did the first time around. I got through chapter three and realized I needed to stop and just meditate on that chapter alone for a few days. Cause there are quite a few things in there that made me realize how blind and foolish I am.
“Dear brother’s and sister’s, when I was with you I couldn’t talk as I would to spiritual people. I had to talk as though you belonged to this world or as though you were infants in the Christian life. I had to feed you with milk, not solid food, because you weren’t ready for anything stronger. And you still aren’t ready, for you are still controlled by your sinful nature. You are jealous of one another and quarrel with each other… Aren’t you living like people of the world?” (1 Corinthians 3:1-3)
_This made me think about where I am at in my spiritual maturity. Paul points out some of the signs of Infancy.
_So as I examine my life I think that I am not completely controlled by my sinful nature, although I continue to fall into temptation, and don’t handle temptation the way I should. But I do realize that I have been set free from my sin, and that no scheme of the enemy has any power over me thanks to Christ, and that has helped me a lot, and I have been refined at least a little by messing up and going through some flame. I don’t find myself jealous of of anyone, at least at the moment, and I don’t usually tend to fight with people, but it does sometimes depend who I am talking to. Although I do get pretty passionate about scripture and my faith sometimes, but I try to focus it in a healthy productive way. So at this point in reading I’m thinking I’m about a child In my spiritual growth, and am able to handle more food, just in smaller portions.
“When one of you says, ‘I am a follower of Paul,’ and another says ‘I follow Apollo’s,’ aren’t you acting like people of this world?.. I planted the seed in your heart, and Apollo’s watered it, but it was God who made it grow. It’s not important who does the planting and who does the watering. What’s Important is that God makes te seed grow.” (1 Corinthians 3:4-7)
_And this is where I began to realize how foolish I am. Of course I would never, as most wouldn’t, boast about what pastor I have, or what church I attend, but this verse is still very relavent. Although I haven’t seen it often, I’ve experienced times when I’ve talked to other kids from my school about our faith, and they start off the conversation with “I feel like we’re going to have some differences.” And of course we did, but thankfully we were able to move past them and not quarrel but merely discuss such topics by setting our eyes on Christ and realizing that we don’t know it all. What I had to ask myself was is my heart really after following Jesus first and foremost? And I don’t know if I could honestly say yes to that. A lot of the time I find myself seeking the wisdom of this world before the wisdom of Christ. Don’t get me wrong, It’s great to go to your pastor, and to those who know Christ better for advise. But there comes a point where it becomes a crutch, and you’re not seeking Christ yourself. Paul’s sermons in Corinth were very basic, he talked to them like children, so that his words would not get in the way of the glory of the cross. Although when it came to spiritually mature people he would use give out words of wisdom, because he knew that no matter what he said, people would not lose sight of the cross. I don’t I am fully ready to hear words of wisdom, and that I need to go back and just focus the foundation of my faith, and set my eye’s on the cross.
“For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have - Jesus Christ.” (1 Corinthians 3:11)
_I think too often I, and many other people, try to build our faith and our lives on words of wisdom, quotes we hear from great theologians, awesome books and commentaries. I love all of those things, they are great resources, but they aren’t suitable for the foundation of our lives. When things become more complex and deep, the easier it is to manipulate and misinterpret things, and they become great tools for the enemy to destroy our foundation.
“He traps the Wise in the snare of their own cleverness.”
“The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise; he knows they are worthless.”
_My goal for 2012 I think is going to be building and refining my foundation. Which is probably a good idea before going to bible college where I’m talking to professors about the depths of scripture. I’m going to try to find a answer to every question, and strength for every trial, at the foot of the cross. This means I should probably read through the gospels a lot. I want to be able to have simple faith in Christ alone. Maybe one day I realize how worthless my own thoughts are, and to turn to Christ for everything. Cause my thoughts and desires are literally WORTHLESS in comparison to God. That means that are nothing, and do no good. No more trying to find answers in deep introspective interpretations of the Bible. This year I’m gonna find out how much I can when i simply just throw myself at the foot of the Cross.
_It’s interesting how one moment can make you forget the everything else that had happened earlier in that day. I try to think back now, and I remember an amazing morning of worship, grabbing some food with friends which was fun, playing drums for a couple hours, and going to church having more amazing worship, praying with my whole heart for a girl who just found out a tragedy in her family, who doesn’t know Christ, and proclaiming our victory over the enemy like never before. It was a good day! But I’m amazing how hard it was to remember all of that, because of one moment that my heart sank into my gut, and was set on fire.
_I found out a friend was spreading hurtful things about me, and another person who didn’t deserve it. At first I was very angry. But i just continued to raise my hands in worship for the God who has set me free. Afterward, I found a quite alone place to pray, and I did. I first apologized to God for any recent transgressions of my heart, and then just set my eyes on him and asked him to make me clean again. I began feeling his presence wash my heart, and I saw the cross in my mind, and everything became so insignificant in that light. I remembered that Jesus died, and took on the sins of the world, an event so painful the Father had to turn his face away, so that I would be set free from the things of this world. He died so I no longer had to live in bitterness. Although still hurt and a little confused, I knew everything would be alright. Every day I’m becoming more and more amazed at the glory of the cross.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
“Just turn your eyes upon Jesus, and look full in his wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace.” (Turn your eyes upon Jesus: Helen Lemmel)
_These words have whole new meaning to me. Although this only but a moment in my life, no serious trial, God has used it to show me a truth that has brought me closer to him, brought me healing in other areas, and I believe has prepared me for what’s Ahead. I pray for those who are so hurt and lost that they feel the need to say hurtful things, and spread lies straight from the enemy! Sometimes I feel confused as to how the enemy has such a hold, and whispers into our minds the evilest of thoughts, things that may even seem harmless at first. But beware! Guard your heart at every moment! He is a tricky deceiver who wishes nothing but pain and brokeness. Never let him get any foothold in your heart in mind. We are fighting a war, not of flesh but of spirit. But don’t worry, we’ve already won! lay yourself before the glory of the cross and become a living sacrifice, a bond slave as Paul use to refer to himself as, to he who was the perfect sacrifice, and he will never leave you, cause he overcame death and is still alive today! Praise the living God who sets us free from this world, and is the source of all that is Good.
